what do I want as my summer slowly wanes away and I barly get any hours at work and it feels like my life is pulling at the seems of a gentle blanket sticth I thought could hold my life together? to be loved and held and kissed and cared for. to have someone to talk to about anything with and have them listen and talk back to me, not just sit there and tell me they "they like listening to me" to have some sort of connestion that is deep and meaningful. i get tired of being alone and wish for love. and as i get older and ppl still make fun of me and no one asks me on a date and the random guy i say to "wanna get a drink?" looks at me and goes yea, im busy like has always happened on the few times i have ventured to ask. i refuse to believe i am that replusive to everyone. i can be shy among guys cuz of my lack of experiance and i think it shows thru. im tired of dreaming and heartache, i want something tangiable and real. I want to be held close in the night i want to forget that 'broken' feeling i want to be loved even tho it doesnt feel like it will ever happen, i want someone to hold my hand and care. im tired of everyone saying this is my bf/gf, you should bring yours we'll do a double date. what can be so wrong with me that no one will love me for who I am? just because im not a party goer and im slow to make friends, still scared they will soon move away like they did overseas and having such different views from growign up elsewhere. I would give up all of my tavel, multicultural experiences knowing what career i want to follow and a handful of other things to have a two sided love and the connection that is the power behind my trying to make it from day to day, waiting. god i cant be that retched as for no one to see me as worhty of love....