On The Love I Find In Dreams

"Love is of a source unknown, yet it grows ever deeper. The living may die of it, by its power the dead live again. Love is not love at its fullest if one who lives is unwilling to die for it, or if it cannot restore to life one who has died. And must love that comes in dream necessarily be unreal? For there is no lack of dream lovers in this world. Only for those whoe love must be fulfilled on the pillow, and for whom affection deepend only after retirement from the office, is it an entirely corporeal matter." -Preface to The Peony Pavillion, Tang Xianzu, 1598, as found in the begining of Peony In Love by Lisa See.

I will not claim to understand it fully but what I do comprehend is beautiful and what more do I need then a few pretty words to keep me dreaming?
Always,
~Kitty

On the Blogging Groove

I want to stay in the grove and keep writing my blog and keeping ppl interested (if anyone wanders by at all) but these days I seem to be snagged on that ragged nail of lonliness. Its terribly pathetic and I'm well aware of this. But don't worry I'll keep it short and brief. Its just one of those times where I think, geese wouldn't it be nice to have some one to sit on the ol' porch swing with someone holding me and listening to the silly things I have to say. But I've never been desperate, and I've never seeked out approval or men. I just move from day to day and have a good cuddle with George. And I know I'll always be a hopeless romantic, no matter how jaded my views on love are. And I always look back at this poem. I wrote it on the night I had to put my older cat down, it came to me as I drove home and I think, that yes, theres my optomistic side...
~Kitty

If I believed in washing my wounds in shady bar light, I’d be a drinker
If I believed in riding the soft waves of a first class high, I’d be a junkie
If I believed in trading passion for this pain of mine, I’d be insatiable
And this gaping hole will close like the sky around the earth
Warm arms around an aching heart
In love’s shadow there’s oil for this burner of mine
Running off the remainder of spent dreams
A small flame in the darkness of my chances
Of finding the person who will create my perfect feeling,
Show me the love I long to know
I ‘m an insatiable junkie for this love I cannot find.

P.s Everyone love my colour coding?? I do :D

In the shawl that drips from this seeking creature, there is a bird, bright and brave that glows. I like to look at this picture and think of the craftsmanship that some one wove into it, deep into the fabric near a candle late into the night, giving rise to dreams and hopes. And the woman herself? In the middle of the night many waken and search for many things. Perhaps she waits for a lover, or sits and thinks of the times just had as he sleeps in the bed or creeps before dawn to where he dwells. Maybe she waits for the times that will be had, the romance and companionship of a person yet to be met that holds her dreams near, in a mirror image; like stars in a shallow basin. And yet, these could be the thoughts of a hopeless romantic, with an as yet untapped spring of love who piles fancys on a flat image, with no one of her own to wisper them to....
~Kitty

Its Happened Again!

Every year as winter seeps into the gutters and down into the may flowers I make a promise to myself to not let it sneak up on me. I promise to watch all the little buds as my flower garden grows it's dancers to watch as my tree gets ready to house the funny little bird that I talk to with clicking sounds and to watch as the baby sappling infront of my porch struggles to make its third summer. Every year I turn off my street onto the one that leads off it I find the trees covered with small pockets of green reaching out to the world around it and I noticed it today as I left for work. Again it has snuck upon me. I had been watching carefully and could have sworn yesterday there was nothing but empty twigs. And still it makes me wonder, maybe this is one of those perfect miricles that happens spontaniously in the first fingers of dawn that you can't watch happen, too fast to catch. The flowers are slower in stages of blooming, the gentle green sprounts pushing through eyelids of dirt and those I can watch and see the changes, anticipate the sudden blooming of vibrant colours. And when I think of things like this and I put them into words I know that I yearn for some one to share them with, th0ughts of how the moon shines and the sound of rain on my roof, of days when the wind dances on your face, the perfect pairing of warmth and cool when you walk wihtout the need for a sweater, and of course the suddenness of the of blooming. Lonlier than the beautiful, wild winter, is the warm romantic spring.
Always yours, even though you havn't found me;
~Kitty

Fudger Bunnies

OMG i just cant win my tv shows!!! I mean goodness quaker oats!! First marlee off dancing wiht the stars and now carly off idol??? can no one i like win?? now david cook has to win. no other choice but brook should have gone home, shes been crap for AGESSS!
GOSH DARNIT
~Kitty

oh thats fa-uped

OHH im soo upset Marlee is gone from dancing wiht the stars!! She did such a factastic job and was an amazing trooper, (and her latest movie was awsome). Im sad to see her go, she tried her best, but thats the kind of thing that is easier when you can hear the beat. But she was AMAZING proving any one can do anything they put thier mind to, but i dont understand why they didnt just stick a pumped up speaker face down on the floor to help her feel the beat!! But she was still and always will be a fantastic woman!
~Kitty

Just at the edge of my eyes

Do you ever have that dream, and its so real and so perfect and you live in it whole heartedly until the second you feel it slipping away as the sun peeps in or sound creeps upon your senses? Oh it drives me MENTAL. There in the comfort of absolute oblivion with out knowing anything of the outside world you live in a place your your own making. I hate waking up on days like this. I think it would be easier if only i could remember these dreams, having them to revel over during the day, its why I used to set my alarm to ring in the middle of the night, if you wake up abrutly you remember your dream better, instead of that slow, slipping awakening our boddies treasure...god. I mean really why are dreams so perfect? If horrorscopes and dreams were right I'd be beating men away with sticks and probably married!!!
~Kitty

But then again....I might also have an elephant

P.s so I must go have a gander at what my dreams mean, and well, part of the dream was I was sitting on the stairs with a guy, he was behind me i was leaning on his knees and he was massaging my shoulder (keep your minds clean my little bunnies, we were both fully clothed. I had just gotten back from a train station and goodness knows cattle class makes you tense) so I looked up what massage in a dream could mean and tada!:

Massage
To dream that you are getting a massage, suggests that you lack sensual stimulation in your waking life - you are aching for someone to cuddle. You may also need to take better care of your body. This dream also represents nurturance and comfort

Pretty much yea...im a lonly old spinster with a cat...(See george) and did i mention I crochet?? Come gettum boys *winks and drops shirt to show shoulder" rawwrr

A Page at a Time

In grade 10 I took a media arts class with my bestfriend Abbi. There was a lot of chatting, working on this or that project but the writer in me could not sit there infront of a computer and not write something. I was not the visual artist, that was Abbi, she can draw briliantly and very creativly and she was often helping me to fix my mistakes and as I wrote and bugged her to read she caught the bugg and started too....I love my sharing :D So there we were two kids writing away! I was able to write one of my best short stories during this period and got a bit started on a sequel but sometimes I wrote the random ideas down. I had quiet a few ranging from a page to 3 and this was one of my favorites, it was only a page and I deffinatly could have continued but it felt like a good short story and I was happy with it. Its kinda like that writing exercise you do when you write a story with only 50 words, very fun. I've thought when naming a character its very important to look at what the name means or coud mean. So here it is! Enjoy!!
Your sharing bunny!
~Kitty

Living in a Name

Mada leaned against the door post, of the door to the roof, just watching me. I loved coming here but tonight had been so different. She let out a sigh and came over. She sat down on the rough blankets and threw her arms around me.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Cory.” I felt her sit back and cross her legs, leaving one arm on around my shoulders and the other resting lightly on my arm, “It was supposed to go over so well, it’s just because of what they’re doing to us, not to you. I turned to look at her, she had called me Cory, and Mada never did that.
“Cory?” I asked her, “Since when have I been Cory to you?” she smiles at me, mischief flowing in her veins and shinning in her eyes.
“Now, is a time that you need to be who you are and not who we imagined you to be, you have to show him that you can live up to a name that isn’t yours as well as your own.” She put her hand under my chin and looked at me, “I called you Cantara, when I learned how my brother loved you, it means small bridge, because that’s what you are, you are trying to bridge the gap between our worlds.
“Do you know what Cory means?” I watch her shake her head, I look down at my lap again. “It means hollow, empty. My father named me because I was to be the last of his children and he had one son, who was lame and sickly. My life was to be like his, empty and hollow, he told me that, right before he sent me to be Nara’s servant.” I felt Mada reach into my lap and take hold of my hand.
“Then we are even more sisters than I thought us to be. My mother named me Mada, which, in Arabic means ‘the end of the path’ she said I would be the last of her children, and I would be the end of my fathers love for her.” She closed her eyes and turned her face to the sky as a breeze blew our way, “You are not hollow Cory, and I was not the end of a path, not every thing is written in our name.” She turned back to me, let go of my hand and kissed my cheek, “think before you forsake my brother.” She got up and left, Mada was the beginning of my path over and over again, how could her name mean the end?

Baby Mama?

So the adds have been on tv and the movie will be out soon and so I have questions about it. Surragacy. Putting eggs/sperm in another woman to carry your child and then give it back. I started talking about this wiht my pal the Peach, (check out my plugs for her blog) about this and she said Hold it! and go write a blog!! So here I am. She herself is a feminist, I am not too much of anything really, and don't even claim to understand femminism but am begining to glance a bit of what it is about. So my question: would you ever use a surragate or would you be one? Its techincally illigal in most states and provinces since you can't pay the surrogate and it's all under the table but it helps many women who are unable to carry their own child and the women who carry these longed-for children? they have often completed their families and enjoy being pregnant and want to share the gift of life. A child is probably one of the biggist things that I plan for in my life, I have always felt and always feel that deep longing to dive into motherhood (when my time is right of course, and I am able to provide support) and yet I may not be able to fulfill this myself (hush now you who know how reproduction works). I'm not worried about talking about private things, its not that big adeal to me to put it simply: I'm missing an overy. and other problems i won't go into detail on have led to many lines of "well, you might have trouble conciving" and all have broken my heart. I know how odd is this some 19 year old girl is back in the dark ages waiting to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. WRONG i want a life, a career but i also cannot deny that whole maternal thing. I would deffinatly turn to a surogate if all else failed and if i myself was a fertile mertle (and not a woss for pain and needles, goodness knows how ill survive childbirth *rolls eyes*) and I thought I could bare to part with a precious little bundle of spit that i had carried for 9 months i would totaly help others in their campaign for parenthood.....just some thoughts....what would you do? what do you think? Someone PLEASE comment so I know somebody reads this thing!!!!
~Kitty
P.S I am sorry for all of my bad spelling :P

The odd things we think and then remember...

When I was growing up overseas we lived on compounds, groups of houses surrounded by walls, self contained towns. Not all the houses on the compounds were the same, some had different style houses: bungalows, two stories, wide rooms, open concepts like any houses here. I often stayed at my best friends house, Ithilote, she live on a compound in a house with large rooms in a comfortable arrangement and on the second floor there was a large square place which the rooms were placed around, it was there we would fold the blankets after a sleep over or would pass through to get to her room or our many snack runs to the kitchen. I loved her house, not only the fact that she was there, and we shared one of the most natural companionships I have know in my life, but the lay out of the house and the feeling i got standing on that carpeted landing infront of all the rooms. It was there that for some odd reason, I could see myself (obviously with by beau of the time) living in this house and raising children. Children who have always been a part of my life and one of my biggest dreams. And its looking back that for the first time I could imagine actually having children and seeing them run around the house and hearing an almost echo of words. I always knew i would have them, i want them badly enough its just a matter of when but it was very odd to imagine and for a second if not less, be in the moment of seeing them run...it its strange what you can remember from one silly picture. It wasnt even a picture of my mate or her house, it was picture of my dog when she was a puppy, i was a young girl and don't remember it but all of a sudden i thought of my friends house and can remember picturing a young pup around the little ones....
~Kitty

Woot!!

Something exciting is in the wind! I currently have a job offer to go and work in Colorado, (over the border from my nice cold Canada) at a camp for the deaf and hard of hearing. Its been a long time getting to the point of an interview, and things have moved slowly but now that its here and soon I can't believe soon I might be moving away from home for the first time and working!! It would be tons of fun and I can't wait to travel again!! But then again I've had to get a video phone (just a tad expensive) but I'm sure it will all be worth it. So here's hoping!!
~Kitty

Alas!!

I miss the dotts but hey, we'll try a change so i'm not stealing more than need be, hoping for things to be peachy keen :)
~Kitty

Sweeney Todd!!

OK so i saw Sweeney Todd a few days ago and thought it was smashing!! so i was putzing around the internet and found the offical website and you can make your own tralior!! I made this!!
~Kitty

http://www.sweeneytoddmovie.com/mashup/show.php?id=30777

Heres the last one...i hope someone enjoys them, in their love-torn sorrow
-Kitty

This Circus Ride

Won’t you fall away,
Dip, slip away
Leave these chains
These corridors of yesterday
Find that long
Forgotten stardust
It’s comin round
Don’t let it, as your dreams fall down
Crush that flying life within
While we walk this tight rope
Our long well meant manoeuvres,
How do we cope
With our endless “last” chances
As we pace these endless acts
Swing from these old songs
How many have we sung?
We’ve never really won
As we tumble through these rings out of old formalities
I hang from this trapeze
You have slung with such familiar ease
Falling slowly, quickly I twirl
These colors dripping, swirling as they curl
Crying like forgotten pyres
The endless motion of our fires
Are we ready for this dive?
This running while we hide?
Is there no time to show
That sparkling glitter of our
Last, long winded, whispered song?

I often use the idea of songs in my poems because I don't believe they can be broken or die, they're always evolving and changing!
-Kitty

Broken Lyrics

What do we do with a song lying broken
The melody faded
The words oh so jaded
It doesn’t mean what we thought it should
What we thought it always would be
What do we do with this empty creation
I weep for this unsung song
I dreamed of melodies
And you thought of practicalities
With that our song slipped away
And now I feel broken
My fears lying open
A music box that just won’t play
I twist in the pins and I will them to hum
Though no begging will coax them to turn
Yet I can paste it together
Weave a new melody
Patch up broken lines in a new way
You can carve a new box
To carry our tune
Won`t be as it was, but it`s ours all the same
And these new desires will burn out our failures
We can dance to our song all our days....

A Poem

I love to share my poetry, something I am always at, I would love ppl to tell me what they think!! i have hundreds but i'll start with a few of my recent ones and we'll see how it goes!!
-Kitty

Of Moments and Broken Dreams

And you say when I'm broken

I'm beautiful

That you love bringing me back to myself

Sticking back smiles and pulling stray sorrows

From this failing thing I call my life

And what is this thought

Of a moment out of time

When you're only your own

And I'm only mine

No promises of carless words

Falling between us like broken hearts I've known

Will you listen to my words

And not seek beneath

Take me at face value

Whisper me to sleep

I need your shoulder to rest my heart on

My sleeves are too bloody to show true

Long ago I dreamed you

Long ago you fell

To the realm of dreams

I grew up on, gave up on as well

I've spilt these tears in hopes

Of a day they'll run dry

In the worries of waiting,

I look to the sky

One day they'll find me

Strong in their lacking

I'll have found my fairytale

Formed of once broken memories

Taped with your smiles

That I will call my own.

For the love of goodness!

so their at it again, those ppl who think they can walk all over you just because you're scrapping up a living on minimum wage...so i go to ask for days this summer until a better things comes along (not telling them that of course) but no, days are for day staff and college/uni students who GO AWAY ALL YEAR. im there all year and do you think i can get days?? do sheep talk the queens english to llammas?? i highly doubt it! Aye me. Alas, oh woe. gah. on a positive note, Sweent Todd is an awsome movie!! oh its halarious, oh stalkers and lots of blood, a great movie for sure (like id know :P) oh well, enjoy your day random ppl who wonder here!!
-Kitty

It is very strange to think, and this is the time of year that this always happens to me, that so much has happened and that i have come so far. It is now that i begin to think: 5 years ago i was in egypt and madly in love. It's a simple statment. strange to think that 5 years ago i was 14 and longing away on a small cruse ship on the nile for a love that would never be returned that none the less drove my existance. And now, when the rain falls and i allow myself to drift into memories and hold myself strong without tears i look back and feel helpless. how strange. Its odd to no longer be tied down by such a thing and to be free to roam and lend my heart to what ever fancy it feels to follow and then i wonder if the love is not returned wasnt i really only tied down by myself? and as needlessly as it may have been i bloomed and flourshed in every raincloud and soggy poem that dripped from my own knots...hmm. i never promised my rants would make sense.....but i do think i miss being in a love, even one sided as it was...
-Kitty.

A Favorite Poem From Lovers and Other Strangers

I love this radio show, with Don Jhonson i belive, and its on from 9-11 on 98.1 i think, and its beautiful i had to write him to find this poem, but i have always loved how true these lines ring when wishing for the truth of love...

And we're off?

So i'll give this a try and bring out my inner blogger, my words will not always be as beautiful and poetic as they are in my head, the spelling will some times lack all that could be desired. But it'll be a laugh and a place for me to share....oo i love to share....and so with that we head to the flame and discover the beauty in falling that most over look for flying....

-Kitty