All That I Am

I am a plus sized woman in every meaning of the word. Theres a whole lot of me to love and to deal with. I love myself whole heartedly (how many women do you know who can blow dry their hair infront of mirror and still go on when that towel falls??). I am full of life, love and opinions that I will share until I can't go on anymore. I personaly have had a bit of a challenging week, yes I am well aware its only Tuesday. I was told by one of my family members that first thing they often think when they see me is how much weight I've put on. It hurt me very badly, even knowing they only have good intentions. I love my body, and have recently lost weight rather than put it on. I don't weigh myself, havn't done so in years. I struggle to see why others can't accept themselves and why others cannot except me. I have always been teased for it and even though I've built a tough skin once and a while things slip through. I think the biggest reason for my loving my body is 3 of my bestfriends have eating disorders and I have watched them struggle and hurt themselves and others, waste to nothing and pull back. I cannot say it enough GIRLS LOVE YOUR BODIES! LOVE YOU! I wont deny I have moments of weakness, you look at all those things that pile upon your chests like rocks and you think...I can skip breakfast....pfft who needs lunch. I could get surgery....and in the end I think I know myself and I dont think this is what I want. I have yo-yo dieted on several programs and struggled with a nutritionist and all the other things. It is always the same I loose a few pounds and gain a ton back and its terrible discouraging and then I go back to looking at the surgerys, but in the end I know that if I ever went for one of them it would be for my health and not because I hate my body and for me, its that that keeps me putting them off. I'm happy right now, and if I feel the weight is weighing on me (oh give me that one pun) and I worry for things that will affect me in the future (like having kids, getting sick) I'll do it...but now I'm sitting pretty with my back up plan as an exotic dancer! (Id be perfectly plump Polly and I'd have a parrot in my pole act ;) rraawwrrr) And since there is no person who I call companion and who loves me, I will always remember to treasure myself like a perfect flower or pearl until someone takes this joy from me and unto themeselves.
Always,
~Kitty